My Heart Will Go On
by BleachedMerc
Summary: Shortly after her beloved passed away, a new suitor would pen her the letters that her heart craved. Sequel to Love Eternal and Tale As Old As Time


_Princess of mine_

_who is oh so fine_

_you know my heart_

_though we're apart_

_Flying together_

_staying forever_

_you are the light_

_enhancing my sight_

_Thanks for your grub_

_it hit the spot, bub_

_I look forward to dinner_

_hopefully you're not thinner_

The poem got cut short. Banzai, the jerk hyena who penned it, was suddenly interrupted with a bolt to the head. He had been the lone guard on duty that night at the Destiny Penitentiary, and unfortunately for him, his idle desk job made him target number one. Now his love poem had grey matter smudges and the penitentiary was defenseless to the two ugly women in shabby dresses who wanted to break in.

"Ew, gross!" exclaimed Anastasia. She dropped her crossbow and started flicking chunks of brain goo from her yucky dress. "I'm all dirty and stuff!"

"Yeah you are," said Drizella with a suggestive lick of her lips.

"Like, gah-_ross_!" Anastasia whacked her ditzy sister. The two then made their way towards the isolation chambers where only the most vile of all the inmates were housed.

After setting the plastic explosives, the girls blew the metal door clean off its hinges. Inside the dark and dank cell, there was a sole figure. The ugly women approached.

"Wake up, dumb nut!" said Anastasia. "It's time to blow this joint!" She kicked the figure only to get her brain-drenched dress covered in hay. "What the f—hay? This is a scarecrow! Where the hell's Ashton?"

"Behind you!" Ashton shouted as he came up from behind the ugly broads. They screamed and he laughed. "You just got punk'd!"

The two broads screamed and whacked him with their shoes. They had beaten him into a pulp when they realized their mistake.

"Crap!" Drizella exclaimed. "Mom's gonna kill us! We got blood and stuff all over our good slippers!"

"She'll kill us even more if we don't get this lug out of here." Anastasia grabbed Ashton's unmoving legs and started hauling him down the hall. After a few minutes, they managed to stuff Ashton into the trunk of their car and they raced back to their mother.

When Lady Tremaine got a good look at beaten up Ashton, she disciplined her daughters severely.

"Noooo!" wailed Drizella, eyeliner streaking down her face as she bawled. "Don't take away my Daniel Craig blow-up doll!"

"Not my Gucci handbag!" Anastasia hollered in tandem. "Anything but that! Just take Drizella!"

"Quiet, both of you!" Lady Tremaine said firmly, and the two sisters shut up. "Now wake our guest. There's much to be done."

Without another peep, the ugly dames poured a bucket of ice water over their captive, springing him back to life.

"Whoa, did someone get the number of that punk'd bus?" said Ashton as he came to.

Lady Tremaine slapped him. "Quiet! You will only speak when spoken to!" She backhanded him before he could open his trap again. "Listen, you filth! There's only one reason why you're here."

"To pu—" Ashton got slapped again, losing his front teeth.

"Take your pest-ridden filth and be gone from my sights!" said Lady Tremaine as she tossed him some ratty puppet thing. "Go! I unleash you unto the world to wreak your havoc!"

Ashton was given the boot off of a bridge where he ker-splashed into the harbor below and broke all of his bones. When he and his puppet finished recuperating at the St. Horace the Horse Memorial Hospital, Ashton walked out of the ICU with his head held high and his puppet held even higher.

Much, much later in a town not too far away, everyone died of the bubonic plague. Some boys were lost, a skeleton was jacked, and duck was pushing up daisies. It wasn't until Xion fell in love with Jaq that everything started to be put to right. Because she didn't exist, she was immune to the plague, but not immune to Jaq's charms. They had a romping time and had the cops called on them numerous times as they howled through the night. But just as Ashton was about to announce the punk, he found himself punk'd instead. Xion turned into Sora and Ashton exploded, killing everyone within a ten-mile radius.

* * *

Many moons later, Oogie Boogie oogied his way back into Oogie's Bug Bar with a handful of mail. Most were from debt collectors demanding he pay back the loans he owed them for bailing him out of his casino debts. But one special letter adorned with hearts stuck out. Sadly, it wasn't addressed to him. He dumped it next to a teapot he kept on the counter and then started up a backroom poker game. Oogie wound up losing all his money to Roo, but because the debt collectors were also a part of the game, Roo struck up a little deal: he'd pay off Oogie's debts in exchange for a Pooh stick. Oogie was jiggered. He gave up a Pooh stick and all was forgiven. Roo's next stop was the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The end.


End file.
